Poking with a Stick

So it's been over a month since I posted to this blog, a month and 1/2 since I edited any of my work and two months since writing anything new. As of a week ago I was completely convinced that this new re-launch of a supposed writing career was dead, but here I am this morning trying to reboot, negotiating with myself some way to get back into the game.

I'm starving for legitimacy. I think this is much if not all of my problem. It's not the business, since traditional publishing is no longer a barrier to 7 figure success. Just ask Amanda Hocking. Jesus, I only need $500 a month to live comfortably!

It is the marketing aspect of the book business that I can't stomach, though. Peddling my wares like a snake oil charlatan. I'm letting it get in the way of my writing. Here I am, sitting on two novels and a novella and I am so close (but oh so far) from the finish line.

But it's back to that legitimacy song and dance again. The deal I've verbalized (in my head) this time goes like this: I just need to edit the books I have written and put them on Kindle. If they take off or even mildly sell (I would be happy with selling just one book!) then that may be the motivation I need to write another book. My research won't stop. I don't research just for my books. I research because I love to learn and explore, just not in an overly academic fashion. Well, I use a pretty studious methodology, I just don't like the limits placed on me by academia (can't use Wikipedia? How stupid is that? Stop trying to protect your book sales).
 But maybe this burden in me to write, to create, will finally be quenched if I get several books out there available to the public and they don't sell. I could say I tried it, that I put out the effort - crap, I've already written three - and then go on my merry way just researching and learning for my own sake and piecing together a coherent theory of Everything. But, what if my books take off? What if I start moving units like Hocking. I've read her book. I don't see any difference between her writing and mine. There are plenty of errors throughout it, both grammatical and editorial. I'm never going to please everyone. It's not possible. I doubt there is a single person on planet earth that I'm pleasing now - without writing. I think you and I both know there is no possible option a serving my God in a modern church setting. Can't be a preacher. Can't be a missionary. No thanks on the bible teacher. What else is there? Of course. Writing. It is the perfect fit. Not only does it allow me to be creative, to venture down a path (several paths) on a journey that I started as a kid, but it allows me to wear any hat I want to. I can be a doctor. I can be an assassin. I can be a mill worker. I saw that job posting for a psychologist. I think I'll apply for that job. ;-)  So far I've been several men God uses to start the last revival on earth. I've been an angel sent to earth on a covert mission. I've been a young woman who falls in love, sees ghosts and loses nearly everything and everyone around her. I've been a truck driver in Alaska and someone who inadvertently plays with time and loses. I could be a priest charged with guarding fallen angels for judgment. I could be a young girl who must fight to keep her soul from being swallowed up into a gnostic abyss. I can be God, creating whole worlds, inhabiting them with people of my own choosing. Vessels of good and bad and maybe in between. Caricatures etched in the sand.

Feeble it may be, I think I need to resign myself to the reality that, with all its ebbs and flows, writing - being a writer - it is my life. It is my vocation.

Stalled...Maybe She's a Dead Stick

I haven't been writing for several days. I haven't been editing for just as long. But my mind has been whirling around in my stories, unable to escape. Yesterday I was certain I would never write again and I was kicking myself for buying a domain name. Day before that I was certain I would start writing the next day. Today, who knows what's going to happen. I try not to beat myself up for it; it is what it is. Maybe I will write more sporadically than I thought. Maybe instead of 10 novels a year it will be one or two. Maybe none. Maybe twenty-five. I think what I will do is slate the future books I know I want to write and make sure they get on Amazon. Then I can see what the response is like from the public. I have two novels and one novella completed that I need to do edits on and get listed. I know I want to write Our Daughter, Oblivion, Seeing Through and Writing Tucker. After that - I don't know. I'm really excited to write Seeing Through. Writing Tucker will close the book on an old high school buddy of mine that I can't seem to find anywhere online. Oblivion is still kind of hazy on the details, but it's definitely there. Our Daughter will be the next one I write, I think.

Maybe I won't write any of them and will just spend the rest of my life reading books and exploring different subjects of interest. I think living in the woods in a camper as a fire/equipment watch, writing novels is a better use of my time, though. I guess we'll both have to just wait and see, huh?

Background Research for Our Daughter...

I spent most of today working on a knowledge base program called My Notes Keeper. So far it is working extremely well, and it might - almost - replace my word processor entirely. I now have tabs for all the major areas of my research: Writing [where I have outlines, manuscripts, character profiles, and all related research for story ideas], History, Science, Mathematics, Retirement, and Bible.

What I was really looking for [and what finally sold me on My Notes Keeper] was a central location/system/program to store all of my research notes that remains accessible (i.e. can print, export, save), has a relational linking ability (think wiki - but without the markup language - I want WYSIWYG), and has a universal search function that actually works. I've tried several programs in the past and none of them have ever worked. So far, My Notes Keeper is working great.

I didn't get much actual work done on the summary outline for Our Daughter, other than transferring it from the word processor doc to the MNK. I did, however, get some research put together. I found several books on PTSD in children who have been in auto accidents with a parental fatality, EMDR - supposedly the most effective therapy for PTSD - and how to implement it in your counseling practice. Needless to say, Larry has some reading to do.

How great is it that writing novels fits my lifestyle and interests so well? I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life in "school," learning about whatever interests me. But, only two semesters of graduate school, and I KNEW I had no desire to be an academic. I did not want to be around people all the time; I did not want to be told what I could and could not research, say, write, etc. And I HATED all the ridiculous drama that comes with academic writing - having to cite your sources and come up with something original, etc.

But, with fiction writing, I can weave fact and fantasy, reality and imagination, all together into one big boiling pot. My originality comes through in the story, in the characters. The research melds together, swirling in the background, no citation required. I get to spend my day reading up on Gnosticism without become a heretic (oh, wait, I'm already a heretic). I spent today reading up on psychology and how to treat Post Tramatic Stress Disorder in children. Tomorrow I might be studying about wormholes, or fallen angels, or who knows what else. Just with one day's reading my story line for Our Daughter has grown richer and fuller.

I also managed to edit the second chapter of The Preparation. I'm going to try and get four chapters done tomorrow. If I can do that consistently for the next 10 days, I'll finish this read through and be able to make changes. I'm hoping to get a set schedule down soon, have my routine processes established, so I can just enter a zone and start producing at break-neck speed. I would love to look up a few years from now and have 20 novels/novellas on Amazon. I definitely don't have a shortage of story ideas.

Now it's off to enjoy an evening with the crew from CSI. I miss Gil Grissom. But the serial killer doctor will do. ;-)

Boning Up on Writing Manuals

I spent today - my second day off from actively writing in between projects - pouring through fiction writing manuals, specifically, grammar, punctuation and self-editing books. I remember when I had finished writing IN THE MEADOW and was working on the edits for my first novel, I felt like I was drowning in sand. I felt completely overwhelmed with the editing and revising process. None of my work seemed up-to-par, I felt horribly self-conscious, and I never thought in a million years I would every get even a single positive response from agents, let alone a book deal. 

I feel better now. I may not be up yet on my board, but I don't feel like I'm going to fall off either when I get ready to stand. There's more confidence in what I'm writing - but more importantly - there's more confidence in what I'm learning. Hacking away slowly at the bad habits, at the awkwardness, no longer feeling that cold, clammy hand of self-doubt pushing my head under the sand quite as hard as it used to. It feels like all my jobs in the past have felt when I first started working. Those first few days are miserable. By the second week you're feeling better, but God you just want to figure everything out and stop making stupid mistakes. After the first month, you're pretty confident, but it doesn't mean you've seen everything and you could do your job in your sleep. No. That kind of intimate knowledge and confidence doesn't develop for a long time. Maybe a year. Maybe more. But it does eventually come - when you have mastered your job, when you have reached a superior level of proficiency. This is what I'm shooting for.

I see the physical writing process, the actual words on the page, as a kind of mechanism, a communications apparatus that I can use to expel my stories. Maybe once they are all gone, in print, I won't need to write anymore. Maybe there will never be an end. At this point I have another 13 books in mind, not counting sequels or multiple books in series - and most if not all of my books I can see having multiples.

Needless to say, it will be very interesting to see how this all shapes up. I don't really see myself developing a career, as if I'm making the conscious decision to do it. As the author said in the latest book I'm reading, "Writers write. Everyone else just makes excuses." That's what I'm finally doing; I'm writing. It doesn't matter if I make any money. It doesn't matter if I'm famous and get booked for the Letterman show. It doesn't matter if even my harshest critics (my family) finally see that I am successful. All that matters is that I write. To me, my stories are alive. I breathe them every day, whether I put them down on paper or not. At least, when I write them down, get them out of me, they don't haunt me in those sleepy-eyed moments before I go to sleep at night. Sometimes I think writing is a lot like breathing. Other times it's just pure hell.

Whatever it is - at least I'm no longer fighting it.   

Writing Hiatus - X Factor UK - Abduction

Today was my first official day off from writing since finishing the rough draft of my first novella: SEEKING LIGHT AURORA. I spent the morning working on a friend's computer - they had viruses - and then doing some odds and ends stuff. I will say, I have really reconsidered getting a full sized computer when this netbook goes bad. My friend's laptop is huge, but what a relief it was to get back to my little machine. I think I much prefer it. 

I also tried to watch the movie Abduction today - you know the vampire guy's new "blockbuster" that came out a bit ago and still hasn't broke even yet. It's only made around $27 million and it cost $35 to make. Ouch. But, hey, don't they get paid ahead of time? So why would he care, right? Now, apparently, he is moving in a different direction since his action film career "tanked out of the gate" and is working on an Indie Drama with some other guy I've never even heard of. I imagine, if you were not a legitimate star before you played a vampire, you will not be one after all the rabid fans get bored and jump on the next big craze. Hey, Lautner, it's called Lifetime; you better start rehearsing for your next big straight-to-tv rehash of your vampire garbage when all those 14 year olds become 20 and 30 somethings. Needless to say, I didn't get through even half of the movie. It's definitely not going on my external drive. Though I will say, it probably could have been a decent movie if Mr. Werewolf had not been involved. It had Maria Bello - and who doesn't love that. Also, they pulled out all the stops in an attempt to make this kid the next Matt Damon [which he most certainly is not] by recruiting the legend alien fighter - none other than Sigourney Weaver. These real actresses being associated with this flop of a film did not bring their credibility down, it just highlighted Lautner's laughable acting abilities. And then it hit me. The reason he doesn't seem as bad in the vampire movies: he doesn't talk in them! All he does is just prance around, acting all moody because the vampire gets the girl, and grunts here, growls there, then lets special effects do all the heavy lifting. No wonder why his initial departure was met with such score and ridicule. Like I said before, he'll probably have a great career on made for tv lifetime special events. 

I Just LOOK Like an Idiot !!

Now, on to more important matters. X Factor UK. Sadly, though, it was quite uneventful this evening. First, Frankie was kicked off the show, apparently for bragging to staff about his cocaine habit. Can anyone say "STUPID?" And then Kitty was introduced with this rambling, incoherent discourse about how she only wanted to do a Lady Gaga song but was being forced to cover a Queen song. Her performance was the worst I have seen thus far from her. Makes me want to just scream! The rest of the contestants might as well have just stayed home this week. No one did any good. Except. And I can't believe I'm going to even say this. Except for Craig Colton.

Craig walked out on stage tonight, took a deep breath, and literally blew me away! He was hands down fantastic. And me made everyone else look lousy. They also voted back in someone who had been eliminated at the first live show. Amelia was the first voted out of the live shows, and what do they think? Suddenly she is good enough to take on everyone else? Not likely. But watch, now she will go on and end up winning the whole bloody thing. 

I think the tide is turning on Kitty for me. I think I'm now going to start rooting for Craig. Janet - I don't know what it is about her. I think what I liked about her at first is now what I despise. Who knows. I do think she would be much better being the lead singer of Cranberries instead of trying to fit in on a show like this. Her sound is just so moody and depressing [I actually like that] but she is trying to sing all these terrible songs. Last week, forgetting the words. Come on, Janet. Get your act together!

PREDICTION FOR TOMORROW: I think Kitty and [Little Mix, Janet or Marcus] will be in the bottom two. I think, sadly, Kitty will be going home.

Finished Manuscript of Seeking Light Aurora !!!

I finished! I think it was over a year ago when I first thought about the idea of this story. It originally started out as a short story, intended to be entry into a writing contest. After I sketched it out, and wrote the first paragraph, I scrapped it and quit writing for several months. I didn't think I had what it takes to be a writer. 

Flash forward to last month and I read a book called I Could do Anything if I Only Knew What it Was. This book was phenomenal. It helped me deal with some of the many issues related to writing, building a writing career and life in general - especially dealing with my past.

Once I got my mentality properly adjusted, and realized [decided] that I really did want to write as a vocation - and hopefully my career [professionally, i.e. get paid to do it] - I set to work and completed the summary outline for Our Daughter. Then I shelved it to get some space and worked up the summary for Seeking Light Aurora. I became so enamored with the characters in this story that I decided to write it before Our Daughter. 

It wasn't until I was about forty pages into it that I realized it was not a very long story - definitely not typical novel length. I, of course, started to worry, running that tape in my head, "You're not good enough. You can't even write a full length book. You'll never make it work. You might as well give up."

I didn't give up, though. I did a little research on novellas and discovered they work in perfectly with writing larger books. It can be used as a free give-away, it can be sold alongside other, novel length titles, etc. It can even be incorporated with several other novellas and published as a collection. It's perfect, because I really didn't want to try and add more scenes [padding] to the story line. I really like it the way it is. 

I also found out that it is best to wait on running any big marketing campaigns until I have at last four books in print and ready for public consumption. This way there are several available titles for readers to buy and read while I have new titles in the works. 

But, as for Seeking Light Aurora, she is going to bed. I have set a tentative date to pull the manuscript back out in two weeks and start editing. In the mean time, I'm going to take a few days off from active writing and try to catch up on some items on my task list. I'm also going to focus my efforts on editing The Preparation, which I think I will need to then run it though White Smoke, then another edit. I did discover [via several blog articles] how to pre-process a manuscript for editing by find/replace with formatting for trouble words, like -ly's and then and that and my dreaded ." instead of ," . I now have a whole list of words that I go through and highlight in the text before I ever begin. It really makes them stand out and it will make it much easier to tell I'm making progress. I also found a edit hack blog, though I think they have stopped updating it.  

I also want to focus some significant time on reading/working through the grammar/English/writing books I have, and also the software and exercises available online. My goal is to hack my writing process to the point that I am producing much better work exponentially rather than sequentially or worse, remain flat-lined in my growth as a writer. I'm really starting to embrace the idea of developing my craft as a writer and also I think I might actually enjoy the marketing aspects online. It's just the face to face interaction I never could stomach. 

At any rate, here's to trying.

Quick Writing Today...

Well, I was a bit surprised at how easily the words flowed out of me this morning. I almost took the day off, too. When I got up I was again late by an hour. As I opened the gate and headed into the main house to take a shower, it hit me that all I really wanted to do was go back to bed and find a good movie to watched. But, I pushed myself and tried to snap out of it.

I got to my computer about two hours later and fired up the Aurora file and away I went. On one of the last scenes and the descriptions just unfolded like they were an old, familiar book I hadn't seen in years. I love writing.

I'm really excited to be almost done. I got around 1200 words in today, but not very much in way of editing THE PREPARATION. I really hate editing. It's so boring and tedious. I just want to run it through a program that will clean it all up for me. I want an editor on call that I can just email the manuscript off to and it will come back a shiny new bestseller. Of course, the real world doesn't work like that. I don't think it even works like that for traditional authors who have a whole staff working with them to get a book out. 

My plan is to finish this edit [I'm currently on chapter 7 and there are 42 chapters in the book] and then run each scene through White Smoke. Then I plan to put it away for about a week, coming back to do a final read through/edit (but hopefully only light). Then once more through White Smoke and then format, covert to .mobi format (or whatever Kindle needs) and plan a release date. Then I have to look at setting up a blog tour and whatever other promotional avenues I plan to take. I think at that point (before) the actual release, I'll need to write up a business/marketing plan for the individual book in particular: define what my short, mid, long range goals are, what kind of profit I'm hoping to generate, what my benchmarks will look like and how I will measure my progress, etc. Should be fun. What is nice is that it all can be done online. This is what really attracted me back to publishing and writing. I don't work well face to face. I really just don't like the idea of sitting in a physical book store 8-16 hours a day on a signing tour trying to pump people to buy, shaking hands, doing small talk. I much prefer doing my reader interaction over the internet, asynchronous. It's so intuitive for me, I doubt that I would consider it work at all. Ever. 

Editing, on the other hand, I consider grueling, tedious, laborious, gut-wrenching, eye gouging WORK!!!! 

Over 1200 and a New Practice Book Cover

So, I got off on a TERRIBLE start today! Well, it wasn't terrible as much as it was just late, late, late. Got up an hour later than I was supposed to. Then dinked around in the office too long [watching Las Vegas] and so I didn't get back out to my laptop until at least 7am. Then a client came. 7:30am. Then an unscheduled one came. 8am. By that point I had to address all the issues with our current stays. 9am [slap forehead now, please].

I didn't really get started writing until 11am, but - thankfully - I was raring to go. I thought I would finish SEEKING LIGHT AURORA today, but the story had some additional scenes that I was unaware of until I started writing today. I love it when that happens. So, I pretty certain I'll finish it within the next day or two. I think it will come in around 20K for a word count. But, last night I went on a quest to find out how novellas were formatted and what kind of length we're looking at. They have chapters, but there tends to be just one scene per chapter rather than multiple. I found several for sale on Amazon that were between 60 and 150 pages. I found several Stephen King novellas that only came in at 50 pages. So, needless to say, I think that is great. At this point, I will probably just release it as an e-book novella, but I might use it to test out the new POD printer I'm considering. Though I think I will probably go with CreateSpace, simply because it is the easiest and most cost effective way to get listed on Amazon for print books. We will see.

I also did a new practice book cover and I do not necessarily like it. It is for Koontz's Odd Hours, and I think it looks really good as a thumbnail, but when it's bigger, I can really pick out what's wrong with it. I definitely didn't take my time on this one. But, nonetheless, here it is.

A Writer's Book Launch 2.0

Well, I knocked out 1600+ words this morning and more edits after that. I sure would like to get up to 3-4k per day. Maybe in a perfect world after I retire. We'll see. I looked online tonight for information on blog tours and found some interesting options. I also stumbled onto this video I though you would enjoy. Check it out.






Wasn't that great? I thought it was hilarious. Anyway, once I find out some more info on blog tours, etc I will post it here the blog. It does appear as if it is possible to make a go of this writing career. I definitely don't have a shortage of story ideas. Editing is a real bear, though. But I'm finding this is pretty much the case with most writers. Editing is a pain, seemingly endless, yet never good enough no matter what you do or how many times you do it.

Anyway, I will keep you posted. ;-)