Poking with a Stick

So it's been over a month since I posted to this blog, a month and 1/2 since I edited any of my work and two months since writing anything new. As of a week ago I was completely convinced that this new re-launch of a supposed writing career was dead, but here I am this morning trying to reboot, negotiating with myself some way to get back into the game.

I'm starving for legitimacy. I think this is much if not all of my problem. It's not the business, since traditional publishing is no longer a barrier to 7 figure success. Just ask Amanda Hocking. Jesus, I only need $500 a month to live comfortably!

It is the marketing aspect of the book business that I can't stomach, though. Peddling my wares like a snake oil charlatan. I'm letting it get in the way of my writing. Here I am, sitting on two novels and a novella and I am so close (but oh so far) from the finish line.

But it's back to that legitimacy song and dance again. The deal I've verbalized (in my head) this time goes like this: I just need to edit the books I have written and put them on Kindle. If they take off or even mildly sell (I would be happy with selling just one book!) then that may be the motivation I need to write another book. My research won't stop. I don't research just for my books. I research because I love to learn and explore, just not in an overly academic fashion. Well, I use a pretty studious methodology, I just don't like the limits placed on me by academia (can't use Wikipedia? How stupid is that? Stop trying to protect your book sales).
 But maybe this burden in me to write, to create, will finally be quenched if I get several books out there available to the public and they don't sell. I could say I tried it, that I put out the effort - crap, I've already written three - and then go on my merry way just researching and learning for my own sake and piecing together a coherent theory of Everything. But, what if my books take off? What if I start moving units like Hocking. I've read her book. I don't see any difference between her writing and mine. There are plenty of errors throughout it, both grammatical and editorial. I'm never going to please everyone. It's not possible. I doubt there is a single person on planet earth that I'm pleasing now - without writing. I think you and I both know there is no possible option a serving my God in a modern church setting. Can't be a preacher. Can't be a missionary. No thanks on the bible teacher. What else is there? Of course. Writing. It is the perfect fit. Not only does it allow me to be creative, to venture down a path (several paths) on a journey that I started as a kid, but it allows me to wear any hat I want to. I can be a doctor. I can be an assassin. I can be a mill worker. I saw that job posting for a psychologist. I think I'll apply for that job. ;-)  So far I've been several men God uses to start the last revival on earth. I've been an angel sent to earth on a covert mission. I've been a young woman who falls in love, sees ghosts and loses nearly everything and everyone around her. I've been a truck driver in Alaska and someone who inadvertently plays with time and loses. I could be a priest charged with guarding fallen angels for judgment. I could be a young girl who must fight to keep her soul from being swallowed up into a gnostic abyss. I can be God, creating whole worlds, inhabiting them with people of my own choosing. Vessels of good and bad and maybe in between. Caricatures etched in the sand.

Feeble it may be, I think I need to resign myself to the reality that, with all its ebbs and flows, writing - being a writer - it is my life. It is my vocation.

Updated Cover for The Preparation! Check it Out !!!

So, as per typical my perfectionist tendency is, I have been increasingly disappointed in the cover for The Preparation. It was leaps and bounds better than the first cover I did for it in MS Paint, but I did not like the lettering and font choices, etc. Here is an updated (and I think improved) pre-official/pre-release cover. Hope you like it.

Stalled...Maybe She's a Dead Stick

I haven't been writing for several days. I haven't been editing for just as long. But my mind has been whirling around in my stories, unable to escape. Yesterday I was certain I would never write again and I was kicking myself for buying a domain name. Day before that I was certain I would start writing the next day. Today, who knows what's going to happen. I try not to beat myself up for it; it is what it is. Maybe I will write more sporadically than I thought. Maybe instead of 10 novels a year it will be one or two. Maybe none. Maybe twenty-five. I think what I will do is slate the future books I know I want to write and make sure they get on Amazon. Then I can see what the response is like from the public. I have two novels and one novella completed that I need to do edits on and get listed. I know I want to write Our Daughter, Oblivion, Seeing Through and Writing Tucker. After that - I don't know. I'm really excited to write Seeing Through. Writing Tucker will close the book on an old high school buddy of mine that I can't seem to find anywhere online. Oblivion is still kind of hazy on the details, but it's definitely there. Our Daughter will be the next one I write, I think.

Maybe I won't write any of them and will just spend the rest of my life reading books and exploring different subjects of interest. I think living in the woods in a camper as a fire/equipment watch, writing novels is a better use of my time, though. I guess we'll both have to just wait and see, huh?

Discovered Reality Bites Music Channel on Dish Network

Okay, I have been listening to the Tranquility Channel on the Dish Network in the background ever since it was hooked up several months ago. I don't want television or movies [I hate TV on a regular television, especially when it is commercially enforced], but I do enjoy the music in the background during the day and at night when I'm sleeping. But it is a downer. Tranquility is great when you want to decompress, but it's hell for creativity and focus.

Introducing Reality Bites.

That's right. This is the name of the music channel that I found the other day when flipping through channels. It is absolutely, hands down, the best music channel I've ever listened to. It's like I've stepped into a musical wormhole and have been transported back to my late teens and early twenties again. I think I can count on one hand the number of songs that I didn't know, or didn't like. The rest are absolutely AMAZING! I find myself every time a new song comes on, yelling out loud, "I remember that one! I need to get that album! I totally forgot all about them!"

So much for the miserable attempts to find music recommendations online. I just listen to this channel 24/7 and I get all the best music delivered right to me.

Ah, technology. Yes! Gracias!

10 Best Movies [or Movie Series] of my Lifetime - Movie 2

The second installment of my blog series, THE 10 BEST MOVIES [OR MOVIE SERIES] OF MY LIFETIME, brings me to a marathon I'm currently undertaking: The Terminator Franchise. The first of this legendary movie/tv series is THE TERMINATOR. It introduces us to John and Sarah Connor, Kyle Reece and, of course, Arnold as the Terminator (dun dun dun). It is old, and you can definitely tell it when you watching it, but it is surely a classic.



The second in this series is, of course, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. This is, by far, the best of the whole series. It introduces us to a new liquid metal based terminator that can change its shape into knives and people. Arnold comes back, but as a terminator reprogrammed by John in the future, sent back to protect John from the new terminator. We find out how the machines rose to power, who invented it and the future gets turned up-side-down. A GREAT movie I could watch again and again.



Now we segue into the television arena and pick up John and his mother when John was a teenager. This is none other than Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. This is a tremendous movie and introduces us to yet another type of terminator: the hot, teen model terminator (go figure). It is a great series, though you need to really watch it like a movie or it gets kind of boring, especially near the end of the second season. It was yet another in a long line of TV shows that was cancelled too soon, and all because of money. Figures. Well, not to worry. A few fellas in the fan-fiction world took it upon themselves to finish out the series by writing season 3 and 4 scripts that you can download for free from their websites. There are also the Connors Chronicles, which takes off from where season 4 left off, but it appears to be unfinished and abandoned.



This leads us to Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I would say, by far, the worst of the bunch. Though it does co-star Claire Danes and that is enough to make it a worth-watching movie. It has John as an 20-something, fighting female terminators and, of course, Arnold is by his side the whole way.  Remember, Claire Danes, so worth watching.



Lastly (so far), we come to Terminator Salvation. This is the latest installment of the series and pretty good. It is a post-JDay world where John (Christian Bale) has to wrestle with the idea that maybe machines can think for themselves and even possibly have a soul. This theme was also visited in The Connor Chronicles on tv as several machines were asked or asked to join sides with the resistance. So, apparently, not all robots are made equal in the future.



Now for the sad news. It appears as if there will not be any more Terminator movies, or, at least, none for a good long while. Lawsuits over copyrights, etc and a production company filing bankruptcy - all has flushed different ideas down the drain for Terminator 5. It's another Bourne situation all over again. Once there's a lot of money involved, I guess people stop thinking clearly. There are two new movies slated before 2018, but whether or not they get made is anyone's guess. I've read that if the rights go back to Cameron he will bury the story for good. But this is the internet after all - who knows what is real. Maybe a terminator came back from the future and wrote that on the blog I was reading so it just looks like there will be no more movies. Another Skynet plan, surely.

At least we have some closure (so I've been told anyway, haven't read the Connor Chronicles Season 3 and 4 yet) in the series scripts. But at this point there are an endless number of futures that can be written about, since they messed with time so much. God, I'm starting to get a headache!

Anyway, this is one of the 10 Best Movies [or Movie Series {and I guess tv and fanfiction scripts}] of my Lifetime. Enjoy watching if you haven't already!

The End of X Factor For Me

That's right. Tonight marked the end of this season of X Factor US simply because they voted off all the good acts I supported [I stopped watching the UK version last week for the same reason]. Tonight, though, was a real travesty. How in the world could you vote off Drew and keep Marcus? Really? Seriously? Are they that inept?

I was surprised to realize that Drew was only fourteen years old. No wonder she took it as hard as she did, beside being blindsided like she was. No one - and I mean NO ONE - expected Drew to be in the bottom three, let alone GET VOTED OUT of the competition! Ludicrous. As our cousins across the pond say, I'm simply Gutted. Just Gutted.

I agree with Simon; it was his fault. And I think there is surely more to the story. Quite possibly Drew wanted to do more up-beat songs and Simon wouldn't let her. Some of her comments tonight truly showed her young age, but I can't imagine what it's like being thrust into the national lime-light like that, only to have it ripped out from under you. And she did so well with her save me song, too. 

Gutted. Simply Gutted. Now I need to brainstorm a little on what I'll write about on my blog. So much for the X Factor this year.

X Factor US - I Just Don't Know Anymore

So, I started this blog off thinking I would comment consistently on each episode of my favorite TV shows, such as the X Factor, both the US and UK versions. Unfortunately, both shows this year have left me feeling quit disappointed mid way through.

But then I watched Drew's performance this week and I'm wowed back into a fervor. Great job, Drew!

And to top it off, finally we get a little glimmer of hope. We find out that Drew does want to actually come out of her proverbial shell. It's not her after all. It's her wacky judge Simon. So, no wonder. I think - absolutely - Drew needs to do a Avril song. Literally ANY Avril song will do. And she needs to get up and move around. Make a spectacle of herself. Unless, of course, she can't actually dance, in which case she should just stay sitting down while she sings.

At any rate, Drew is the last great hope of the X Factor for me. And it will probably be my last year of watching, too. I have better things to do.  PS. The Astro ship has sailed. His last several performances have left me empty. I just don't know what to say. Flash in the pan I guess.

Good luck next week Drew.

Managed Back to Editing - Finally

I don't know what it is nor do I understand it - this demon of self-doubt. I was cruising along, making a great deal of production, research - managed to get out a novella in record time - and then I hit it, like a car wreck. Suddenly I can't write any more because I have no stories that are ready (have a finished outline for). Suddenly I find myself wasting my time away each day watching tv shows or listening to an audiobook on how to study better "for research." Then comes along this tiny morsel of doubt, crawling into a minute crevasse in the armor I attempted to built up, like acid eating away at the marrow of my writing. 

Then, just when I think, "here we go again" (I think it's terribly disappointing that I can recognize the feeling now, but still can't do anything about it when it comes), in walks another story idea, propping up my ego, just hinting (indirectly) at the possibility that I might have an inkling of talent, that I might still be able to do this thing. 

I get out my trusty calculator and do some quick math - again. $150k. That's my golden ticket; that's my chocolate bar. It's all I need to retire and live the life of my dreams. I DON'T EVEN NEED TO MAKE ANY MONEY AT WRITING!!!! EVER!!!! But that does not sit well with my psyche for some reason. No, it keeps telling me, trying to convince me: you are not a success unless you have made money; you need to make Stephen King money, or Koontz money, or Grisham money. Hell, you need to at least make Hocking money, right? 

At this point, I don't know who will win this war. I guess we will see if my books ever actually make it onto Amazon. We will see where I'm at in 9.1 years, when I'm scheduled to retire. I know I won't stop learning. And I still can't figure out why that's a bad thing - retire when I'm 45, live in a pickup truck in the woods, spend my days taking long walks, reading books, listening to lectures and studying the bible. How could that be a bad life? Yet, it's there - nagging. Telling me that my choices in life are simply illegitimate. I don't have a wife and kids, I don't have a mortgage payment, car payments, a career, etc. But, what a minute. Isn't that the freaking point? Isn't that the reason to adopt my desired lifestyle in the first place? I had all that other crap and it's just that - worthless crap. It's a bucket of crabs. Who wants that? I know, lots of people do, apparently. But why should I be criticized for breaking free from that bucket if I can? Deep down I know what my problem is; I'm listening to the crabs. I've made the break, or at least I'm at the rim of the bucket, looking out over the side, and yet here I am listening to the crabs under me. She's telling me that life outside the bucket is no good, not legitimate, no a worthy life. 

A better question should be: why doesn't she want me to leave?

Maybe she's a true believer. She knows life in the bucket is nothing but misery, but who's to say that life outside the bucket is a bed of roses? Maybe she has scummed to the notion that misery loves company. She has wasted her life in the bucket (kids, family, husband, all for what) and can't fathom anyone else, especially one of the crabs in her bucket finding genuine happiness in anything else besides what she agrees with. Maybe this crab simply can't live without misery, without controversy, without drama. I really think it becomes a drug for those who are perpetually miserable. They seem to have lived with and in misery for so long they know nothing else. I simply don't know. 

My problem is: I'm still listening to the crabs.

My solution: Listen to something (or someone) else.

Started Outline for a New Book

I started the initial outline work today on a new story. It does not have a title, but I can tell you a little bit about it. The story centers around a new patient of a young female psychologist who lives and works in a city [not sure which]. He was referred to her by a local area hospital for treatment of possible dissociative disorder [or depersonalization disorder, not sure which yet]. They meet for the first time and the psychologist is shocked to hear the man's story and personal beliefs. From that point forward her life begins to unravel as she explores the depths of her patient's psychosis; in the end, she discovers not all is as it appears.

Felt good to do something creative today; I've been missing it. I hope to keep a daily schedule going, where I work on all aspects of story-telling each day (not necessarily on one project, though). I will do this by writing my minimum number of words each morning. Then I will do my edits (did two chapters of the Preparation today). Then I will work on an outline, so I have several to pick from when I need a new project. I will also be doing research, for those outlines that are stuck for lack of background. I find it very rewarding to set it down and spend some time researching out background material. Today I wrote a whopping paragraph on this newest story before putting it aside, knowing full well I needed to do more research on psychology. It wasn't until then that I discovered DPD and DID and what their symptoms are. It has really broadened my approach to the story, allowing the characters to become much more real. Lastly, I will devote time each day to the marketing side of writing - doing tasks to build on the social platform, so I'm ready if ever I have a break out. If not, no biggy. I'm already living a dream now. But I still would love it if it ever happened. Lotto style. Publisher's Clearing House is coming up on the 30th. Maybe I'll get really lucky and spend Christmas on a tropical island!

X Factor UK - No One Left to Cheer For...

It's a sad day when you have four or five people left in a competition yet there is no one you want to cheer for. Kitty's gone. Craig's gone. I've pretty much lost all interest in this show this season. I guess it's time to move on.

Languishing...

I managed to edit a chapter and a half today on The Preparation. I so hate it, though - very much. It feels like I'll never be able to get it right, never get to the point where I can say, "Hey, this manuscript is in good shape. This story is tight and readable." I like the story; I have liked it since I first wrote it. God, I think it's been two years now, and here I am still working on editing it. Feels absolutely hopeless. 

This is just how I feel, though. Rationally, I know I need to just press on. Every day is a new opportunity for me to BE a writer. Every day is another opportunity to live in that creative haze - that world where I am a god and control the fate of countless lives, everything resting on the sheer will of my imagination. I like this world. I love my characters. I like that I'm now exploring freely - experimenting - or, at least, wanting to. I know grammar is finite, albeit often grossly subjective. There is, though, a right and a wrong way for the most part in writing - in constructing sentences, in tightening up prose. But these are simply tools writers use. Mechanics, apparati [latin ;-)] - it is not the story, though. The story is what unfolds in the writer's mind, what takes shape as he/she sits quietly in the coffee house early in the morning in Paris, watching the sunlight stretch its narrow fingers along the narrow brickwork of the surrounding buildings. It is the characters' actions and behavior - their personalities - that slowly percolate in the author's mind as they stroll along amidst their daily affairs. 

I edited a chapter and a half today. Thank God. I also did more research into Gnosticism, though it is going way too slow for me. I'm starting to feel the itch - or at least the obligation - to be writing every day again. I guess I'm missing the creating. I'm so impatient, but maybe that is a good thing.

Cover Release - The Preparation - How Does it Look?

I finished the cover for The Preparation today. I was a little skeptical about getting the concept idea I had in my head out and on the computer, but I actually like the results. I think it looks pretty good, especially since I didn't pay someone $400+ to do it, nor did I have to deal with the endless flakes out there who claim to be professionals. Anyway, without further adieu - the pre-official cover for my first, upcoming novel: The Preparation. Please tell me what you think.

 

I don't know the exact date of official release for THE PREPARATION just yet. I know it will be after Christmas, but hopefully before the summer. I really would like to get it finished and out on Amazon so I can start getting feedback - and so I can start editing IN THE MEADOW. That is one aspect of being a writer that I do not like at all: bringing a book together takes so freaking long! Even with a traditional house, you're often looking at a year or more before your book is available. When you are self-publishing [doing it all yourself], you have complete control over every aspect of your book, but you're working alone and so it still takes FOREVER. But, I just have to be the turtle; slow and steady wins the race, right?

X Factor US S01 E15 & 16 - So Long Stacey!

 I finally found the results show for the X Factor US tonight. Not sure why no one else has it. Sadly, Astro put on a terrible performance and an even worse attitude on top of it. I'll be surprised if he isn't in the bottom two again next week. But, what do you expect from a young kid like that. I guess we don't expect all that much these days.

I also got another practiced Book Cover done. I really like it. Here you go:

Everything in this cover is taken from somewhere else. I started with the background scene of the sky, which was actually a scene of the ocean. Then I grabbed a picture of the church and cut it out using the magnetic lasso; I love that thing! Then I did some shading using the gradient tool. At first this did not work out well at all, and I ended up deleting all the shading and starting over. The second time I started shading the tower, then the edges. I also noticed the bottom of the original cover is much darker, so I added that, and I really liked the outcome. Then I lightened up the shading to a gray and shaded the clouds and parts of the church. I then found the CRIME SCENE tape [didn't use the original POLICE] and figured out how to rotate it [though I doubt if I could do it again without some hunting and pecking] as it was tilted the opposite way. Oh, yeah - and the church was opposite, too. I flipped it when I first started. The words went on beautifully, now that I know how to use the stretcher thing. It makes the words any size I want - I love it. Lastly, I took [accidentally the color I was using for the lettering] the white and splashed a gradient horizontally from left to right. It was perfect! Maybe I'll start dong free book covers for writers to get the practice in. Then again, I'm getting way ahead of myself. So far I've been copying other covers, so I have the ideas ahead of time of what I'm looking for and what I can compare it to. We will see how well I do when I'm working just from a blank canvas.

Anyway, I managed to get a chapter and a half read through on THE PREPARATION today. I'm also slowly incorporating/transferring all my notes, etc into My Notes Keeper. So far this program has been running great with no glitches; I hate glitches. Also did some research on OUR DAUGHTER, studying up on Gnosticism, etc. It's pretty fascinating. I'm currently reading the Gnostic Handbook and taking notes wildly [you got it, in My Notes Keeper].

Astro, my boy - it is your contest to lose. Of course, you have to beat Drew for the top seat. Keep your attitude in check and you have a fighting chance. But, please, oh please, pick some better songs. The last few have been terrible!

Drew, keep it coming. And I agree with the judges: up tempo. Let's see you do some real rock. Try Avril next week!

New Schedule - New Book Cover Design - Transform Tool

I have been in the zone today. Using the My Notes Keeper program and putting together yet another daily schedule, I think I've gotten more work done today than all of last week combined! I even got an algebra video watched! What?!  Also did a chapter in The Preparation edits; the new approach is working great.

First I want to show everyone my newest book cover. This is for T.R. Ragan's book Abducted. I have not read it, but I guess I should, huh? I'll look for it; I might already have it. The rain has been coming down almost non-stop today. Non-the-less, on with the cover.

I think this cover is MUCH better than my previous ones, and isn't that the point? I'm sure those who are actually graphic artists can tell the girl has been lifted from another picture and put into this one. Hey, I never claimed to be an artist, I just play one on the internet. ;-)  One victory I had in this cover was discovering the Transform Tool in Edit. I kept struggling with my fonts, setting it to 72 and most being about half the size I needed. So I looked it up and some smart ass on a yahoo answers page told someone a year ago how to use the tool to make the text as big as they wanted. I so love the internet. I get to be a part of virtually every conversation that has ever existed - barring chatrooms (and who really wants to be a part of those conversations anyway).  I was also able to get the fade tool to work a little better (that is read: I didn't know what I was doing), allowing me more control over shading, etc. It's so much better than those MS Paint days!

Well, I better get back to it. I took an extra hour on the cover, so I'm behind. Also did some work on the Summary Outline for Our Daughter. It's amazing how just a little research can open so many doors when you're stuck in the middle of a story. I would have to disagree with Tim Ferriss. I don't think research for its own sake is a waste of time, at least, not for me. I guess most of my research now is directed by my current or upcoming story, so maybe he is right after all. Go Tim!

Background Research for Our Daughter...

I spent most of today working on a knowledge base program called My Notes Keeper. So far it is working extremely well, and it might - almost - replace my word processor entirely. I now have tabs for all the major areas of my research: Writing [where I have outlines, manuscripts, character profiles, and all related research for story ideas], History, Science, Mathematics, Retirement, and Bible.

What I was really looking for [and what finally sold me on My Notes Keeper] was a central location/system/program to store all of my research notes that remains accessible (i.e. can print, export, save), has a relational linking ability (think wiki - but without the markup language - I want WYSIWYG), and has a universal search function that actually works. I've tried several programs in the past and none of them have ever worked. So far, My Notes Keeper is working great.

I didn't get much actual work done on the summary outline for Our Daughter, other than transferring it from the word processor doc to the MNK. I did, however, get some research put together. I found several books on PTSD in children who have been in auto accidents with a parental fatality, EMDR - supposedly the most effective therapy for PTSD - and how to implement it in your counseling practice. Needless to say, Larry has some reading to do.

How great is it that writing novels fits my lifestyle and interests so well? I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life in "school," learning about whatever interests me. But, only two semesters of graduate school, and I KNEW I had no desire to be an academic. I did not want to be around people all the time; I did not want to be told what I could and could not research, say, write, etc. And I HATED all the ridiculous drama that comes with academic writing - having to cite your sources and come up with something original, etc.

But, with fiction writing, I can weave fact and fantasy, reality and imagination, all together into one big boiling pot. My originality comes through in the story, in the characters. The research melds together, swirling in the background, no citation required. I get to spend my day reading up on Gnosticism without become a heretic (oh, wait, I'm already a heretic). I spent today reading up on psychology and how to treat Post Tramatic Stress Disorder in children. Tomorrow I might be studying about wormholes, or fallen angels, or who knows what else. Just with one day's reading my story line for Our Daughter has grown richer and fuller.

I also managed to edit the second chapter of The Preparation. I'm going to try and get four chapters done tomorrow. If I can do that consistently for the next 10 days, I'll finish this read through and be able to make changes. I'm hoping to get a set schedule down soon, have my routine processes established, so I can just enter a zone and start producing at break-neck speed. I would love to look up a few years from now and have 20 novels/novellas on Amazon. I definitely don't have a shortage of story ideas.

Now it's off to enjoy an evening with the crew from CSI. I miss Gil Grissom. But the serial killer doctor will do. ;-)

Still Reading, Reading, Reading...

I spent most of the day today reading, or listening to audio books while playing mind numbing video games like Atomica or Pipes or B-Jeweled or Tetris (though I don't think I ever actually played Tetris today). Topic of said books: fiction and writing fiction.

I polished off Amanda Hockings MY BLOOD APPROVES today. I think I finished the last five chapters in one setting. I love copying text over to Katie (my text to speech reader). If I tried to read that many pages with my eyes I would go batty (slow reader). Using Txt2Speech, I can burn through chapters without any trouble at all. I also finished IN STYLE, a punctuation manual - and learned very little. I also started 38 MOST COMMON FICTION WRITING MISTAKES. I would like to say I'm learning a lot, but I'm not. The closest I've come is from Stephen King's ON WRITING and I think it's more hilarious (and a nice break) than anything else. It does provide a pit of perspective, though; like I'm not trapped in a bubble all by myself with this thing called a writing career.

I have a dozen or so books I would really like to read, but I'm getting antsy because I'm neither writing nor am I editing. I have decided that when I do actually start my edits again, I definitely need to set a measurable daily goal - preferably a certain number of words edited. This is really the only way I can keep myself honest and can project with at least some level of accuracy where I'll be in said about of time on each project.

I would really like to edit 1000 words a day. I would REALLY like to get up to writing 4000 words a day, but I don't know if it's in the cards. I have several story ideas that are taking shape. But I do have some breathing time, since only one so far has been put to paper in any kind of legitimate outline form. I haven't done more because I don't yet have a dependable or effective schedule. It seems as if something always gives. If I write I dn't edit. If I write and edit, I don't work on story development. If I work on story development, then I forget to read up on marketing. It's not like I don't have the time here. I've got nothing but time. So, I know my boat is leaking, I just have to find the hole and put a freaking plug in it. 

Despite my uncomfortableness, I'm trying to give myself enough down time to get my head on straight when it comes to editing, since it is my Achilles Heel. I want to do as little work as possible for the greatest ROI, which means I have to be organized, strategic and systematic in my editing process. I can't wait until the body of work I've churned out recently is more than what I produced a year ago in my first two manuscripts. I also can't wait to have them put to bed once and for all. So far all I have to show for my new found efforts is a 100 page novella. it originally was supposed to be a 300 page novel. Yikes!

I need to get cracking. Thus explains my concern about taking time off. But, I want to do it right the first time so I don't have to go back and reinvent the wheel a third time. I'm already playing catchup to myself.

X Factor UK - Say Goodbye to Kitty

Well, my worst fears have come true. Kitty was sent home tonight. I guess those cousins of ours didn't care for her as much as I did. But, Craig is my new front runner and hopefully he will be able to perform next week like he did this week.

Kitty with Lady Gaga

I was surprised to see Misha B in the bottom two - especially being beat out by the all girl group; they are terrible. Between the two [Misha and Kitti] I really think Misha delivered a better performance vocally. Kitty is quite a performer but there is something - not sure what it is - but something missing there. It doesn't matter now, whatever it is. She's done.

On another note, I'm a die hard, rabid fan of The Walking Dead now. Just finished the newest episode. I keep expecting them to find that little girl, but who knows if they ever will. Next week should be the season finally, unless they had more episodes for season 2. There is something so unnerving about that show. Makes me want to jump out of my skin. I definitely lock my doors at night now so zombies can't eat me when I'm sleeping!

UPDATE: Did some wikipedia surfing. The Walking Dead Season 2 has 13 episodes and we just finished # 11; two more to go. 

Boning Up on Writing Manuals

I spent today - my second day off from actively writing in between projects - pouring through fiction writing manuals, specifically, grammar, punctuation and self-editing books. I remember when I had finished writing IN THE MEADOW and was working on the edits for my first novel, I felt like I was drowning in sand. I felt completely overwhelmed with the editing and revising process. None of my work seemed up-to-par, I felt horribly self-conscious, and I never thought in a million years I would every get even a single positive response from agents, let alone a book deal. 

I feel better now. I may not be up yet on my board, but I don't feel like I'm going to fall off either when I get ready to stand. There's more confidence in what I'm writing - but more importantly - there's more confidence in what I'm learning. Hacking away slowly at the bad habits, at the awkwardness, no longer feeling that cold, clammy hand of self-doubt pushing my head under the sand quite as hard as it used to. It feels like all my jobs in the past have felt when I first started working. Those first few days are miserable. By the second week you're feeling better, but God you just want to figure everything out and stop making stupid mistakes. After the first month, you're pretty confident, but it doesn't mean you've seen everything and you could do your job in your sleep. No. That kind of intimate knowledge and confidence doesn't develop for a long time. Maybe a year. Maybe more. But it does eventually come - when you have mastered your job, when you have reached a superior level of proficiency. This is what I'm shooting for.

I see the physical writing process, the actual words on the page, as a kind of mechanism, a communications apparatus that I can use to expel my stories. Maybe once they are all gone, in print, I won't need to write anymore. Maybe there will never be an end. At this point I have another 13 books in mind, not counting sequels or multiple books in series - and most if not all of my books I can see having multiples.

Needless to say, it will be very interesting to see how this all shapes up. I don't really see myself developing a career, as if I'm making the conscious decision to do it. As the author said in the latest book I'm reading, "Writers write. Everyone else just makes excuses." That's what I'm finally doing; I'm writing. It doesn't matter if I make any money. It doesn't matter if I'm famous and get booked for the Letterman show. It doesn't matter if even my harshest critics (my family) finally see that I am successful. All that matters is that I write. To me, my stories are alive. I breathe them every day, whether I put them down on paper or not. At least, when I write them down, get them out of me, they don't haunt me in those sleepy-eyed moments before I go to sleep at night. Sometimes I think writing is a lot like breathing. Other times it's just pure hell.

Whatever it is - at least I'm no longer fighting it.   

Writing Hiatus - X Factor UK - Abduction

Today was my first official day off from writing since finishing the rough draft of my first novella: SEEKING LIGHT AURORA. I spent the morning working on a friend's computer - they had viruses - and then doing some odds and ends stuff. I will say, I have really reconsidered getting a full sized computer when this netbook goes bad. My friend's laptop is huge, but what a relief it was to get back to my little machine. I think I much prefer it. 

I also tried to watch the movie Abduction today - you know the vampire guy's new "blockbuster" that came out a bit ago and still hasn't broke even yet. It's only made around $27 million and it cost $35 to make. Ouch. But, hey, don't they get paid ahead of time? So why would he care, right? Now, apparently, he is moving in a different direction since his action film career "tanked out of the gate" and is working on an Indie Drama with some other guy I've never even heard of. I imagine, if you were not a legitimate star before you played a vampire, you will not be one after all the rabid fans get bored and jump on the next big craze. Hey, Lautner, it's called Lifetime; you better start rehearsing for your next big straight-to-tv rehash of your vampire garbage when all those 14 year olds become 20 and 30 somethings. Needless to say, I didn't get through even half of the movie. It's definitely not going on my external drive. Though I will say, it probably could have been a decent movie if Mr. Werewolf had not been involved. It had Maria Bello - and who doesn't love that. Also, they pulled out all the stops in an attempt to make this kid the next Matt Damon [which he most certainly is not] by recruiting the legend alien fighter - none other than Sigourney Weaver. These real actresses being associated with this flop of a film did not bring their credibility down, it just highlighted Lautner's laughable acting abilities. And then it hit me. The reason he doesn't seem as bad in the vampire movies: he doesn't talk in them! All he does is just prance around, acting all moody because the vampire gets the girl, and grunts here, growls there, then lets special effects do all the heavy lifting. No wonder why his initial departure was met with such score and ridicule. Like I said before, he'll probably have a great career on made for tv lifetime special events. 

I Just LOOK Like an Idiot !!

Now, on to more important matters. X Factor UK. Sadly, though, it was quite uneventful this evening. First, Frankie was kicked off the show, apparently for bragging to staff about his cocaine habit. Can anyone say "STUPID?" And then Kitty was introduced with this rambling, incoherent discourse about how she only wanted to do a Lady Gaga song but was being forced to cover a Queen song. Her performance was the worst I have seen thus far from her. Makes me want to just scream! The rest of the contestants might as well have just stayed home this week. No one did any good. Except. And I can't believe I'm going to even say this. Except for Craig Colton.

Craig walked out on stage tonight, took a deep breath, and literally blew me away! He was hands down fantastic. And me made everyone else look lousy. They also voted back in someone who had been eliminated at the first live show. Amelia was the first voted out of the live shows, and what do they think? Suddenly she is good enough to take on everyone else? Not likely. But watch, now she will go on and end up winning the whole bloody thing. 

I think the tide is turning on Kitty for me. I think I'm now going to start rooting for Craig. Janet - I don't know what it is about her. I think what I liked about her at first is now what I despise. Who knows. I do think she would be much better being the lead singer of Cranberries instead of trying to fit in on a show like this. Her sound is just so moody and depressing [I actually like that] but she is trying to sing all these terrible songs. Last week, forgetting the words. Come on, Janet. Get your act together!

PREDICTION FOR TOMORROW: I think Kitty and [Little Mix, Janet or Marcus] will be in the bottom two. I think, sadly, Kitty will be going home.

Finished Manuscript of Seeking Light Aurora !!!

I finished! I think it was over a year ago when I first thought about the idea of this story. It originally started out as a short story, intended to be entry into a writing contest. After I sketched it out, and wrote the first paragraph, I scrapped it and quit writing for several months. I didn't think I had what it takes to be a writer. 

Flash forward to last month and I read a book called I Could do Anything if I Only Knew What it Was. This book was phenomenal. It helped me deal with some of the many issues related to writing, building a writing career and life in general - especially dealing with my past.

Once I got my mentality properly adjusted, and realized [decided] that I really did want to write as a vocation - and hopefully my career [professionally, i.e. get paid to do it] - I set to work and completed the summary outline for Our Daughter. Then I shelved it to get some space and worked up the summary for Seeking Light Aurora. I became so enamored with the characters in this story that I decided to write it before Our Daughter. 

It wasn't until I was about forty pages into it that I realized it was not a very long story - definitely not typical novel length. I, of course, started to worry, running that tape in my head, "You're not good enough. You can't even write a full length book. You'll never make it work. You might as well give up."

I didn't give up, though. I did a little research on novellas and discovered they work in perfectly with writing larger books. It can be used as a free give-away, it can be sold alongside other, novel length titles, etc. It can even be incorporated with several other novellas and published as a collection. It's perfect, because I really didn't want to try and add more scenes [padding] to the story line. I really like it the way it is. 

I also found out that it is best to wait on running any big marketing campaigns until I have at last four books in print and ready for public consumption. This way there are several available titles for readers to buy and read while I have new titles in the works. 

But, as for Seeking Light Aurora, she is going to bed. I have set a tentative date to pull the manuscript back out in two weeks and start editing. In the mean time, I'm going to take a few days off from active writing and try to catch up on some items on my task list. I'm also going to focus my efforts on editing The Preparation, which I think I will need to then run it though White Smoke, then another edit. I did discover [via several blog articles] how to pre-process a manuscript for editing by find/replace with formatting for trouble words, like -ly's and then and that and my dreaded ." instead of ," . I now have a whole list of words that I go through and highlight in the text before I ever begin. It really makes them stand out and it will make it much easier to tell I'm making progress. I also found a edit hack blog, though I think they have stopped updating it.  

I also want to focus some significant time on reading/working through the grammar/English/writing books I have, and also the software and exercises available online. My goal is to hack my writing process to the point that I am producing much better work exponentially rather than sequentially or worse, remain flat-lined in my growth as a writer. I'm really starting to embrace the idea of developing my craft as a writer and also I think I might actually enjoy the marketing aspects online. It's just the face to face interaction I never could stomach. 

At any rate, here's to trying.